My resume is shitty. Unfortunately, it's not how I wrote it that makes it shit (that's fixable), it's the facts that have to go into it. I have no degree and my jobs have all been short-term (3 years at most), undemanding peon positions and manual labor, showing a distinct reduction in responsibilities and need for thought as the years go by.
I wanted to use a "functional resume"—basically, bluffing my way through by listing stuff I've done or learned in my free time as "relevant experience" and glossing over the crappiness of my actual education and work experience—but they only accept traditionally formatted resumés. So I'm stuck.
I want a do-over on my life.