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02 August 2004 @ 10:03 pm
Depression orientation, check  
Well, I went to the depression group orientation thing at Kaiser today. Traffic sucked (Why??? It's in the direction opposite the commute!), but I managed to get there on time anyway. It was a fairly large group (only a couple of chairs empty) so the woman running the thing didn't have us introduce ourselves. Thank goodness! I always hate that. Anyway, we sorta brainstormed problems we were all having in categories of "Thoughts", "Feelings", "Behaviors", and "Physical Symptoms". Some of the ones people came up with were familiar, some were pretty alien to me. I wasn't altogether sure I was in the right place at first (maybe I'm still kinda hoping for a diagnosis of ADD instead?). When we cracked open the handout booklet, though, the symptoms there seemed a lot more familiar. I also filled out something called a "D-Arkansas" evaluation. Not sure what's up with that, but I guess I'd be pretty depressed if I had to live in Arkansas. It put me at 11, BTW, which is "mild depression".

Going by the handout, it looks likely that I've got dysthymia (I've been like this for way more than 6 months–more like over a decade), which is one of the ones that is sometimes treated with medications. Somehow, that's kind of comforting. While part of me finds the idea of psychoactive drugs kind of frightening (some Twilight Zone-ish paranoia about mind control and forced psychological conformity), another part just wants a magic pill that'll make me get out of my own goddamn way. I'll wait for the real diagnosis from the shrink, though. Incidentally, I meet him face-to-face for the first time on the 11th, which is...Wednesday of next week.

At the end of the meeting/class/orientation/thing, we did some deep breathing. Didn't really improve my mood, but it did make me sleepy. The class itself kinda made me feel better, but I think that's mainly because I've been dreading it since I was told to go to it, and now it's over.

Oh yeah. Afterwards, I tried to get my ticket validated for the Kaiser parking lot, but it turns out the psychiatry building has its own small lot and doesn't validate for the one across for the hospital. Suck. Oh well, it was only $2.50. I drove home by the scenic route, up Piedmont and down Pleasant Valley to Broadway and then College Ave.–a lot nicer than just going straight up Broadway.
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Current Mood: relievedrelieved
Current Music: some very nice bebop guitar on KCSM–maybe Wes Montgomery?
 
 
 
Gerald_gerald on August 3rd, 2004 05:15 am (UTC)
That's actually what I was diagnosised with, along with the OCD and anxiety disorder.

Right now I'm taking Zoloft for all three. It's kinda weird, I am feeling better, but sometimes I feel uncomfortable. I was kinda used to my thought patterns (hey, after 22 years I would expect that), and not going through the same motions anymore is unsettling.
gwalla: magmagwalla on August 3rd, 2004 05:49 am (UTC)
Yeah, I'm kind of attached to my general bad attitude and mild cynicism. I wouldn't be too sorry to see my meekness go. I really want to be cured of my flakiness and lack of motivatability.

As long as it doesn't cure me of my bizarre taste in music, though, I think I'll be fine.
Gerald: Kirk_gerald on August 3rd, 2004 02:25 pm (UTC)
I kinda miss letting my imagination run wild with things. It used to be when I got a thought I could make a really melodramatic fantasy in my head and let my feelings boil to a head.

Now they just simmer and then go out quietly.

...in other words, I can't interalize like I did.

But overall I do feel better.
gwalla: magmagwalla on August 3rd, 2004 04:10 pm (UTC)
I like fantasizing about stuff. :(